April 1st, 2007

fire

(no subject)

I have been asking myself: Why do people bad mouth other people who sleep around? Why do many guys not like girls who have slept around?

In discussing this topic with a couple of friends I noticed there are many uncertainties related to this topic. Some of them attacked the person's character, but failed to build an argument for it. I said, "what if they slept around for pure pleasure, and after meeting you they came to realize the difference between slepting with someone for pure pleasure and slepting with someone they love. Would you date them then?" Most replied by saying, "no." Some said, "they might have STDs." I said, "let's assume that we know for a fact they don't. Would you then?" And still they hesitated and said, "no."

I think the best argument was exclusiveness: The act of sex is the highest form of expression and it becomes watered down when someone sleeps around. I like this argument because I always believed it. However, I have talked to people who made the distinction between "having sex," and "making love." While I have my own beliefs contrary to theirs, I have no right to deny their distinctions, if those distinctions are made and held beliefs of theirs. If I am to assume their distinctions are true, then the watering down of the act can be exclusive to the emotional expression of one's self. Therefore, my belief is weakened under their assumption and I must ask: is the argument of exclusiveness a narrow view based on truth, or insecurity?

I am in the process of gathering information to construct a generalization.

However! I have noticed something interesting in my information gathering. Many people who sleep around have problems dating someone else who has slept around. When I ask them if they're being hypocritical they tend to respond by saying, "no." They make the argument that they only sleep with people they like. Some will make the stronger argument of only sleeping with people they date. However, those same people have been the ones who jump from one relationship to the next, and claim to be in love each time.

I think the adversion towards dating someone who has slept around is innate. BUT, there are those who claim to be indifferent. The best argument among this group of people has been: experiencing life is a good thing because people grow from it. Contrary to the view of exclusiveness they will argue that sleeping around can help them love better. For example, if you have only been with one person and slept with just that person, you may form beliefs that are not necessarily true, and those beliefs materialized because you have nothing to compare them too. Breaking up with your first love is the hardest, because that is the only experience you have. However, after a couple of relationships, you may experience feelings and emotions you never experienced in your past relationships. You are now in a better position to guage your feelings and know where you stand. The view here is that of degree, not all-or-nothing.

In listening to and considering the different views on this subject matter, I ask myself how much insecurity plays into what people claim.