May 6th, 2007


Relationship expectations

Conversation with Willie about relationships:

TL: I guess I've been asking myself what one should expect from a relationship. I mean... we act because we're motivated by something, but what is the correct motivation?
WM: Well... everyone has different expectations
TL: Yes.. but what's the correct expectation? We take other's expectations and compare it to something and say whether it is right or wrong. For example, no one would dissagree that one can expect the other person to not cheat. However, if someone had an expectation where she wanted the guy to be with her 24/7 and not interact with others, we would say that's a wrong expectation. Well what is the expectation that we compare it too, to say if it's right or wrong?
WM: Well Tommy... I don't know... I guess we should look to the bible to see what it says.
TL: Ok. What does the bible say?
WM: Let's see here... ephesians 5:22-33 "Wives, be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is head of the church...
TL: Willie, I think many women would have a problem with that.
WM: Well, like I said earlier, I think a man should love the woman more, because a man wants to be respected, but a woman wants to be loved. I mean.. everyone wants to be loved and respected, but I think it varies in degree between men and women.
TL: I can sort of see that...
WM: A guy wants to feel like a guy.
TL: Ok, that's true.
WM: Ah, right here, "let each individual among you love his own wife as you love yourselfs, and let the wife see to it that she respects her husband."
TL: Hold up. I have to love her as much I love myself?
WM: Yeah.
TL: I don't mean to sound big headed, but that's a lot of love.
WM: Hahaha, Tommy, you fool.

I agree that generally, every guy wants to be respected and every girl wants to be loved. BUT, I wonder what guy doesn't want to be loved and what girl doesn't want to be respected? Are these the sort of motivations that truly drive a relationship? What do you think?

KwamTheGreat: regarding ur convo wit wiliie, its easier for women to love cuz its in their nature, but its harder for them to respect their men, and guys don't necessarily love easily

spillsomepaint: girls want to be loved but i think we are just able to be more open about it. I would assume it takes a lot more for a guy to come out and say he wants to be loved, so instead he wants to be respected. Women want to be repected as well, but when we r truly loved, i think most women think that goes hand in hand with respect.

SS: The statement is true, like if you think about it, why do guys like dating younger women? It's b/c we sort like the idea that they look up to us.

General Finding:

Women's perspective and criticism

The general perspective from women is that love and respect go hand-in-hand. I agree that when you love someone you SHOULD respect them too. However, I do not find that love in any way implies respect. For example, I think a mother and father can love their children, but not respect them for being criminals. Applied in a relationship setting, the person we love could be acting in ways, that causes us to not respect them. I think respect is somewhat based on a merit system, and love is not. If love is based on a merit system, I would argue that it is not love. I think the general claim still stands, that men want to be respected and girls want to be loved. I am not saying that these are the only things men and women want, but it is the primary things they want in a relationship.

My input:

I wonder if the general rule is driven by what men and women are attracted too from the opposite sex. Do men want to be respectable, because women tend to be attracted to respectable men? AND do women want to be loved, because men are attracted to loveable women? I think there is a huge difference between what we want and what we are actually attracted too. Perhaps, the guys who are more respectable then they are loveable, usually end up with the girl. And the girls who are more loveable then they are respectable, end up with the guy.

Mom: You have to marry someone smart, with a good family, a good career
TL: Mom. Stop. Maybe it's because I'm a guy, but we really don't factor those sort of things. We simply ask ourselves: "do we love her or do we not." We base on decision on that
Mom: You're ridiculous!

Traditionally, it was important for women to marry successful men, because women were not allowed to work. For men, they wanted to marry women who would be good stay home wives. I think history plays a big part in all of this.

(4:30am, must nap and study for crim. law) Sorry for not finishing :P